Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
