im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
