White coat. Heels.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
