Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
