Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
