i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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