Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
