i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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