I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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