he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
