I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
