dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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