One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
