In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
