so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
