toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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