ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
