Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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