i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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