The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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