I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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