All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
