Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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