it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dick very happy bro
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
