And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
