so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
