in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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