one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
