he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
