If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
