I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
