I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
