if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
