Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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