Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
