this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
