now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
