If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
