I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
