You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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