sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
