All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
