So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
