Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
