So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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