i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
