Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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