i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
