Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
