is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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